Life in a Fish Bowl

It’s Been 21 Days Since An Update May 21, 2006

I really do apologize. It’s not that I have been busy or anything it is just that I am unable to blog, as strange as that sounds, I just do not know what to say or how to express it in words. However, I have come back with a “bang”, I revamped the about me and site pages, and I have made a new layout. I think this layout is my favorite thus far because of it’s simplicity. Please make sure to let me know if it doesn’t work quite right on your computer. Things look different on Macs than they do on PCs.

Well, I suppose you could say a lot has happened. I’ve been feeling more alone than ever before, I am in quite a horrible state. I am being forced to go to therapy now, oh joy. However, I am trying to be open-minded about it, I figure that since I have to spend an hour of my time there each week I should make the best of it. I hate wasting time. Overall, life isn’t so dandy. Oh, and here is another interesting little story. Yesterday was my cousin’s communion party and I was asked to sing right on the spot, I really dislike my Aunt for doing that to me. Yes, I messed up, and double yes I had to start over, and triple yes I cried and made a scene. On the “bright side” I got a new haircut. Pictures?

Misspellings and False Theories May 1, 2006

Today was just diasterious and I know, I do say that almost everyday but today was just a chain of events that left me wondering why I haven't inflicted pain upon my locker.

Firstly, I found out that my Spanish teacher would be absent for the entire month of May, that's just excellent. Now, I am stuck with a very short spanish sub that is more that a bitch. She makes me want to jump off a bridge. This lady can't teach for shit and if I have her for a teacher I do not think that I will be able to pass the Spanish regent. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her. Time to get a Spanish tutor

My project is due on Friday which I have yet to start along with one of the only two tests that my teacher gives. I am not excited for that. Plus, I have a DBQ essay to do which I haven't even started and I believe that it might be due tomorrow. I am just hoping she isn't going to attend tomorrow. If she is there, it is not going to be fun. Plus, I thought she was Scottish but it turns out she is Cuban. Fuck, I was way off, :]

I have a math test tomorrow and I have no idea in the slightest what it is on. I haven't been paying attention at all in class. Now everything seems so difficult, haha. I knew this would come back and bite me in the ass and it has

My allergies were killing me today, it took a half-hour to get one eyedrop into one of my eyes and because of that I'm just giving up. Apparently my body would rather suffer than let an eyedrop enter its royal domain. And so I am forced to feel like shit. What good clean fun.

& If you didn't notice, New Layout. I thought it was time for a change.

Happy Birthday, Mother April 30, 2006

I really wish that I had a job or I could get one. One bad thing about new york is that they have so many fucking laws plus, who'd want to hire me anyway? I am a weapon of mass distruction, a temper tantrum waiting to explode. The only thing I could get my beloved mother was flowers. I mean, they are nice ones, but please, I'd much rather have gotten her something nicer. My mother is forty-three today, she looks younger than I. I feel and act like a ninety-five year old woman and I'm also starting to look the part.

I just wish that I could be what my mother would want me to be, someone other than myself.

Pollen: The Death of Me April 28, 2006

I really do not know how much more I can take of my intense allergies. I can't control my bladder when I sneeze and I certainly do not want to be peeing every five-fucking-seconds. Bullshit, allergies are bullshit, allergies are the center of all that is evil. I have year-round allergies, I am not one of the seasonal fucks who think they've got it bad. Obviously, it is more visible in both the Spring and Summer. People wonder why I dislike these seasons. Not only do my freckles become more visible, I get sunburned, dry skin, and worst of all – intense allergies. And no, there are no medications that work. That's right, they're all placebos.

Today sucked, it was incredibly horrid. Dare I say it, "I had a bad day." Oh, the horror of that cliche.

My eyes burn, it is terribly hard to see. It is so painful, I needed assistance in class because I could not see anything. Yes, that is how bad my allergies are and yes, I have a very difficult time with eye drops or anything near my eyes for that matter. I really do not know what I have to do to get rid of these allergies, I feel like I am a walking sickness, I hate the feeling. I also hate the feeling of a dried out and red nose. I am flaking. It is disgusting. Roar, I am in so much pain.

On to my mental madness.
People are so fake, I can not stand it. But, what I can not stand even more is that I am turning into The Catcher in The Rye. I am such a loner at times all the time.

I’m One Prose Obsessed Motha Fucka April 25, 2006

So, yesterday, obviously was pretty uncomfortable because I was sore over their lack of their communication skills. But, today I thought of how long it took me to get to this point and I decided to give it a chance. If they do the same thing or one thing in my mind tells me "these people aren't worth it", i'm leaving them behind.

Today was quite annoying. I was in school over an hour late because my locker got suck, my locker mate puts too much shit in there. Not a fun experience. Now, I am going to sleep. I am so tired. I haven't even done any of my homework. Oh fucking well – Quite frankly I don't give a damn.

How deep is this feeling? April 23, 2006

I have finally found a purpose. I am disloyalty with vengeance. My flesh lie in ruin and my life, dismembered. The darkness of the night can no longer shelter me, I will burn in the company of mankind with the sunlight shown upon my damned face. The pseudo mask will be used to taunt me as I am locked in chains. My burdens will become heavier. And through my hopelessness, those entertained will seek happiness through my growing despair. I am but a lesser son of a greater maestro and thus my weakness will be shown for all to see, naked and unclouded, nothing will be held back. My faithlessness will be just the deep breath before the plunge. And in my last hours, I will hear the cries of my bitter sweet and tormented body communicating "why, my precious, my love?" and so in this twisted end, nothing can help me nor numb my ever-growing pain.

A loveless life with a flawlessly intact memory, thus I suffer, forever more.

The Exasperation April 23, 2006

I am every unwanted guest,
I am every burden on your chest,
I am every chain around your neck,
I am every persistant annoyance to keep you in check,
I am every circus mime,
I am the reason you waste time,
I am every echo in the dark,
I am every echo you dare not hark,
I am such sweet sorrow,
And, I will be here tomorrow.

The End of All Things April 23, 2006

So it must be today, Sunday. Oh how I hate Sundays. They are the last day of everything, a bitter sweet tease. Today is the last day of my Spring Break. I can't say that I liked my spring break but it was okay. To put it simply, I didn't leave my house once with friends. I got not one phone call, not one instant message, I even got removed from the myspace top eight, I've been replaced by a back stabbing, always-happy, chipmunk-faced, bitch. I feel hurt, I feel betrayed. And what is it that I could have done, my precious, my love? What is it that I could have done? Is there anything? No, there is not one thing.

I can forsee the future: Tomorrow is not going to be a good day.

Brand New Start April 19, 2006

I've been away from the internet for quite a while now and one day about two weeks ago I decided to look at this old site to see it's non-updatedness. I saw that it had been hacked so, I immediately took care of that problem and now I am back with a blog. I haven't used this site for over seven months so I suppose it is good plus, I do not want a .nu wasting away because it was very expensive. I must admit that I have missed having a blog.

In bigger news I've just found out that I have a new Uncle. This is, obviously, a very werid situation. My mother just found out that she has a new brother (older). My grandmother gave him up for adoption because she couldn't support him (she had him when she was young). I met him yesterday and he is very nice. I am looking forward to him being in our family. Tomorrow we are going to dinner with him as well. We are going to Serendipity 3. I suppose tomorrow I will post more information. As for now, I am just happy to have this site up, I've been working on it forever.

My Step-Dad’s Birthday March 26, 2006

Truthfully, his birthday sucked. I got him a Gift Certificate at the last minute at amazon.com. What can I say? He is hard to buy for. I really wish I could have shown my appreciation for him in a more extraordinary way. Oh well, I'm just a kid with no pocket money.

Be jealous.